Breaking the Silence

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Afraid of speaking and having my words twisted

Afraid of the message my silence sends

Grieved to have relationship taken from me

Grieved, with no option to make amends

But I am a child of God

Broken, yet I am made whole

Cut off from the future I wanted

But good is secured for my soul.

Perplexed when I look for good reason

Perplexed by deceit and known lies

Angry for bridges now burning

Angry for lost family ties

Guilty of worry and doubting

Guilty, my mind looks for blame

Humbled, belittled and sorry

Humbled by effort so lame

But I am a child of God

Broken, yet I am made whole

Cut off from the future I wanted

But good is secured for my soul.

Wretched am I from betrayal.

Wretched and harmed in the fight

Frantic that time has no answers

Franticly praying at night

But I am a child of God

Broken, yet I am made whole

Cut off from the future I wanted

But good is secured for my soul.

And cheer can be found for the taking

Cheer. Jesus has lifted my head

Joy, brought fresh every morning

Joy overcomes and every dread

Yes, I am a child of my Father

 I shall not be moved from His side

He has clothed me with mercy and gladness

Light for my darkness supplied.

Yes, I am a child of God

Broken, yet I am made whole

Cut off from the future I wanted

But good is secured for my soul.

Note from Rita:

Friends who know me well (and some who barely know me) are aware that one of my daughters decided to estrange herself from me, my husband and nearly all of our family. I’ve gone from stunned and frozen to restless and searching – and back again several times for nearly eight years.

Breaking the silence is risky, but I’m ready. The status quo isn’t good enough for a child of the almighty and everlasting God. It isn’t about healing. God is taking care of that. It isn’t about winning, giving up or giving in. God fights those battles that need fighting. And He always wins. I’m tempted to defend myself, but I have no weapon other than my Father’s promises, and anyway, I’m weary from the inner battle.

Breaking the silence does not mean that I am ready to talk about it to just anybody. It simply means that my words won’t be filtered by what I think my daughter needs to hear. That might sound strange, unless you have parented a prodigal.

Surprised? That I would think about parenting a prodigal? Hasn’t the prodigal decided they don’t need parenting? But I’m still parenting – from a distance. Giving her “space.” So I’ve been parenting in silence. In my prayers. In preparation for “some day.” That won’t change.

Breaking the silence is all about surrendering . . . to God’s new design on my life.

Yes, I am a child of God

Broken, yet I am made whole

Cut off from the future I wanted

But good is secured for my soul.